I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
