If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
