Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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