pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
