I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
