You made me cry and you don't even care
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
