maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize