she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
