Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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