He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I need moral support for this bender
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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