i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
