I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize