I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
