so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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