I think im going to throw up on grandma
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
