Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
