is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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