It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
