i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
