Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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