He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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