so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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