I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
