I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
