were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
