So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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