This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
