just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
