I wish I could teleport
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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