OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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