I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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