She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Someone shit on the floor
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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