i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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