I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
