Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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