She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
