Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
