I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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