Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
