The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
