She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
