I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
