bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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