So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
