Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
