Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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