We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
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