Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
