Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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