ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
