I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
There r osticjed everywhere
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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