They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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