Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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