I accidentally had phone sex last night
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
