she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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