need another drink. this is the easiest way
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
