And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
