just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
