Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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