I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
