Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
It's never too late to be topless.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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