i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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