I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
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