If that was your dad, he is hot
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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