he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Randomize
