Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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