I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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