it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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