FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
