Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
