My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
