somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
