Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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