We won't sleep together?
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
