i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
