With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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