I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
