You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Randomize
