drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
