just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
