I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
as a side note pls kill me
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
